


Needles, Not Claws

by MercuryShep



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Gay Sirius Black, Gen, I've never even read Harry Potter but I'm in Wolfstar hell, M/M, Marauders, McGonagall is the ally we all need, My First Fanfic, Testosterone Injection, Trans Male Character, Trans Remus Lupin, Way too many "In your pants" jokes, mention of needles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:29:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21665965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryShep/pseuds/MercuryShep
Summary: Sirius Black helps Remus Lupin with his testosterone injection after a particularly hard moon, and Remus has Feelings™ about it
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 171





	Needles, Not Claws

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This my first fanfic I've ever written! Hopefully their personalities kind of make sense. I've actually never read the Harry Potter books and I just watched the movies for the first time a couple months ago (thanks to my girlfriend!). I fell in love with Sirius and Remus almost immediately and I really got involved in the Wolfstar ship faster than I thought I would lmao
> 
> Anyways this fic is mostly just very self-indulgent fluff about fully normalized trans Remus and his very supportive friends.

“Come on, Moony. You’ll feel even worse later if you don’t do it.”

Remus sighed, grumbling something inaudible and slouching further into the wooden chair that he kept beside his bed. Deep down he knew that Sirius was right ー he usually was annoyingly right about everything ー but after the particularly painful transformation the night before, Remus was simply too exhausted force himself through the entire tedious process.

Sirius, seeing the obvious reluctance behind his friend’s dark and tired eyes, gave Remus’s leg a gentle squeeze before kneeling down in front of him and reaching up towards his belt.

“Hey!” Remus snapped, jerking upwards so suddenly that he nearly flipped his chair backwards. His heart pounded in his chest but his body was still too pitifully lacking in energy to allow him to say or do anything else to protest Sirius’s action.

“ _Relax_ , Moony. As much as I’d love to give you the experience of pure bliss at the hands of Sirius Black, I am in fact capable of knowing when the mood is absolutely wrong. Now sit up a little. I don’t want to rip your pants.”

Too tired to even come up with a clever retort, Remus hesitantly obliged, pressing his palms against the sides of his seat and lifting himself upwards to allow Sirius to tug his trousers off of his waist. The draft on his thighs made him feel self-conscious and vulnerable so he pressed his knees together tightly. It was a good thing that the dormitory was almost always deserted at this time of day; after all, that is why he usually chose this time to do it. But the gentle smile and kind gaze directed up at him from where Sirius was positioned on the floor somehow made him feel even more vulnerable.

“Where do you keep your syringes?” asked Sirius, but before Lupin could respond the black-haired boy was already rummaging through his things. Remus managed a few half-hearted protests, but he knew that there was really no point in trying to stop Padfoot when he was set on fetching something.

“Ah-ha!” Sirius soon exclaimed, voice muffled by the bedframe he had now halfway crawled under. As he squirmed awkwardly backwards to try and maneuver his torso out from under Remus’s bed he accidentally kicked the leg of the chair, prompting a few more colorful exclamations along the way. When he finally emerged, his normally neatly-tied-back hair was now had a few loose and ruffled strands. In his hands sat an unceremoniously plain wooden box, which he opened to reveal a dozen or so syringes, some first aid supplies, and four small vials of clear liquid. Sirius flashed a bright grin at the contents of the box as if he were a child who had just found a hidden prize in his bowl of cereal. When he turned his smile up to Remus, a sudden fire spread from deep within Remus’s chest to his face and his fingertips. He could feel how brightly he was blushing, which only made him blush harder. Sirius’s smile often had that effect on him. This prompted a playful chuckle from the boy on the floor.

Remus watched quietly as Sirius got settled, yawning and rolling his shoulders back one at a time to ease their ache. He was both pleasantly surprised and absolutely terrified at the thought of Sirius performing such an intimate and personal act on him. To Remus the weekly routine was somewhat calming ー a time where he could be fully alone and at least somewhat in control of his body. There was no cure for his wolf, but at least _this_ issue could be partially remedied with medicine. But now, with Sirius here beside him, he felt so vulnerable. He felt so out of control. In this moment he was exposing a part of his life that, in many ways, was just as big of a secret as his trips to the Shrieking Shack. The thought alone sent anxiety bubbling up in his chest and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“You don’t have to do this,” he murmured, but was quickly rendered speechless by the soft gasp that parted his lips when Sirius gingerly grasped the leg of his boxers and pushed it upward. Goosebumps traveled up his arms and legs and he pressed his hand shyly to his mouth to hide his trembling breath.

Sirius just rolled his eyes and smirked as he took an alcohol-soaked cotton swab and began rubbing it across the top of Remus’s exposed thigh. “Yes, I do. You’re too tired to do it yourself, and I’m not gonna let you get away with skipping it this time. Last time you did that you were so grumpy that I thought you might bite Potter’s nose right off his face!” He chuckled to himself, but then added in a more serious tone, “And besides, no one likes to see you frown.”

They sat together in silence for a few minutes after that. Sirius started the process of prepping for the injection ー attach the needle to the syringe, clean the vial, inject air into the vial, draw the liquid into the syringe, push the air bubbles out, remove the needle, replace it with a new needle ー meanwhile Remus’s mind wandered to when he first came out to Sirius and the others.

*******

They were fifth years, and Remus had been contemplating telling them for a long while, but for some reason he could never find a good time to bring it up. He considered coming out to Professor McGonagall as a sort of practice run; she was one of his favorite teachers and had always been supportive of him despite his constant nodding off in class. But coming out to a teacher before he came out to his closest friends seemed a little weird to him. So instead he waited for the perfect moment.

It took nearly three months for him to finally get the chance to say anything. He wasn’t sure why telling them that he was transgender felt so scary; they already knew he was a werewolf, which was objectively harder to deal with. There was just something about it that felt so different. He couldn’t hide the wolf from them. He could, however, hide being transgender. He had lived in stealth for most of his life ー his parents had been supportive of him from a young age (he was already transforming into a massive, terrifying beast every month, so transition from one gender expression to another was very mild in comparison) ー so technically he didn’t _need_ to come out to them at all. They were his friends, though, and he wanted to tell them. And eventually, he did.

Sirius took the news strangely well, as far as his penchant for melodrama goes. But he did, of course, make an inappropriate joke or two. “I mean, you’d still let me into your pants though, right?”

“In your dreams, Padfoot! He is totally out of your league!” James retorted, after which he was promptly smacked in the back of the head so hard by Sirius that his glasses nearly fell off. Peter somehow continued snoring throughout the entire exchange. 

A huge feeling of relief washed over Remus and he visibly relaxed when they each gave their respective responses to the news, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders that he didn’t even know was there in the first place. He smiled a genuine smile and laughed heartily as he watched his friends bicker and skirmish.

Then, in a sudden change of tone, Sirius dramatically waved James and Remus towards him and pulled them into a huddle before looking over his shoulders as if to check if the coast was clear. He leaned in close to speak, whispering, “Listen, guys, I love Wormtail. He’s a great friend. _But_ … I think it may be best if we hold off on telling him this little detail, you know? He’s not exactly _known_ for keeping other people’s secrets, after all.” 

As if on cue, the trio of boys all turned their heads simultaneously to look at Peter, who was drooling onto the sleeve of his robe as he slept lying on the arm of the couch. After some silent contemplation, they turned back to face one another. James nodded. Remus shrugged.

“It’s settled, then,” said Sirius decidedly. While he still had them leaned in close, he reached up suddenly to grab Remus by the hair with one hand and shove James with the other. They spent the rest of the night wrestling and howling with laughter in the Gryffindor Common room, even pulling Wormtail off of the couch to wake him before James gave him an elbow to the shoulder. Remus wouldn’t have had it any other way.

*******

“Does it hurt?” 

The smooth, but mildly concerned voice of Sirius roused Remus from his fond memories, and his eyes widened when he discovered that Sirius had already pushed the needle into his leg.

“Oh, erm, no... No, it doesn’t hurt,” Remus stammered, trying to gather his thoughts. All of his overwhelming emotions about being this up-close and personal and pantless with Sirius suddenly came rushing back to him. “How are you so good at this, Padfoot?” he asked, his voice sounding a little more wistful than he would have liked to admit.

A smile tugged at the corners of Sirius’s lips and he placed a hand on Remus’s thigh to hold it steady while he pushed the testosterone out of the syringe. “C’mon, Moony, I have to keep _some_ of my mystery intact, don’t I? The tall, dark, and mysterious thing is really my only selling point.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” Remus replied, somehow managing a flirty tone in his voice despite the nervous lump in his throat. “You’ve also got being funny, clever, and handsome going for you. And don’t forget your ability to look endlessly cool next to Prongs.”

Sirius chuckled, removing his hand from the syringe to avoid wiggling it around as he did. “ _Anyone_ looks cool next to Prongs!” He laughed, and Remus laughed with him. Sirius had been right after all; this was helping him feel better already.

Remus was so busy laughing and staring at Sirius’s striking smile to notice that the injection was done and that Sirius was putting away the leftover supplies back into the box. He didn’t feel tired anymore; the aftermath of last night’s moon had all but subsided, replaced instead by warm feelings regarding the way that the corners of Sirius’s eyes wrinkled when he laughed.

Sirius pressed a small adhesive bandage to Remus’s leg, then patted his knee conclusively before using it as a support to pull himself into a standing position. He stood over Remus now, which made Remus’s heart pound so hard he could feel it leaping in his chest. Slowly, Sirius leaned forward and placed his hands on either arm of the chair, looming over him so close that Remus could barely hold eye contact with him. A familiar warmth flushed his face yet again. 

Before the logical part of his brain could tell him not to, Remus reached up and delicately tucked Sirius’s loose hair behind his ear. Sirius smiled that sweet, beautiful smile, and leaned forward to give Remus a soft kiss on the cheek. Remus would have melted if not for the sensation of Sirius’s breath on his ear as he leaned in close to say something. Remus held his breath in anticipation.

“Looks like you finally let me into your pants after all.”

Remus gasped indignantly and shoved Sirius away from him with a roll of his eyes. What an insufferable sod! Sirius erupted into a fit of laughter so hard that he had to double over to avoid losing his balance. With that laugh, that smile, and those glittering eyes, though, Remus couldn’t dare stay mad at him for long. Instead, he took that time to retrieve his trousers from where they sat around his ankles and pulled them back on before pointedly fastening his belt buckle.

“Really, Sirius, you couldn’t have picked a worse time to say something so daft.” His words were serious, but the playful smile on his face gave away his true feelings. When Sirius had finally calmed down enough to keep his laughter to a small, ill-contained chuckle, Remus added, “And besides, you’ve never needed an excuse to get into my pants. You’ve just always assumed that I wasn’t interested.” This time, it was Sirius who blushed.

By the look on his face, Remus could tell that Sirius was in the works of coming up with some witty retort, but before he could say anything James burst through the doors of the dormitory and shouted across the room at the two of them. “ _There_ you are! Come quick! Wormtail and I put Belch Powder in all of the Slytherins’ stew and it’s turned the entire Great Hall into a riot! You should see the look on Snape’s face! Hurry!”

Sirius’s face lit up again and he immediately took a hurried step to run after Potter, but Remus reached out and grabbed his wrist to stop him before he got far. “Sirius?” he asked. The tall, dark, and not-so-mysterious-but-definitely-handsome boy turned to look at him with a quizzical brow and an excited smile.

“Yeah, Moony?”

“Thank you.”

For a moment Sirius softened and his smile shifted from one of giddy anticipation into one of gentle, knowing satisfaction. It was a smile that made Remus feel lighter than air. “Any time, Moons,” said Sirius, before he nodded his head in the direction of the Common room and pulled Remus to his feet. “Now come on! Didn’t you hear? We’re missing out on the best part!”

The two of them ran together down the staircase and through the Common room towards the inevitable and exhilarating chaos that awaited them in the Great Hall, but for some reason the only thing Remus could think about in that moment was the fact that he and Sirius were holding hands.

Perhaps this was a part of him that he could eventually feel comfortable sharing. After all, they were just needles, not claws. And the most exciting part of it all was that the next time he shared his intimate weekly routine with Sirius, he might just be lucky enough to get another kiss on the cheek.

And that was all Remus could ever hope for.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this sappy queer representation and that it made you feel just as warm and fuzzy as I felt while I was writing it!
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
